Today I had the lid blown off my smallness. I visited a local new age church where Carlton Pearson was the guest speaker. I heard of him first a decade ago when he was featured on This American Life, the episode titled "Heretic".
Back then I was less than two years out of organized religion, out of my marraige, out of my comfortable life and searching for answers. I had left the beliefs of my youth and had little idea what would evolve next.
I felt crazy for throwing away all I'd known and believed, and yet my soul compelled me to find my own truth. The search was frightening but exhilirating. I was terrified that whatever I was being called to, whatever cosmic path lay before me, for I felt deeply this was the beginning of living my calling, would be too big, too hard, and that I would likely fail. I also felt the guilt and shame of having left "the good life", having thrown it all away to wander in not-knowing.
At that moment, I heard Carlton's story. Pentacostal preacher makes good, makes a lot of money, gets lots of followers....and it all crumbles as his heart pulls him, compels him, to find his own truth.
My situation paled compared to all he lost and so publicly.
Find the episode. Listen to it. It buoyed me. There was hope. If he could find his inner compass and stay true to it through that chaos, so could I. And I could thrive in the cosmic path that would unfold before me.
And I have. And so has he. And I met him today. I had a few moments to share my path and how his story had impacted me. He was interested and caring. As we drove home, my partner Chris said, "You know what you did today don't you?". I had no idea what he meant. "You just made him an accountability partner with you." He's right. Now this leader, this mentor, knows what I'm claiming as my path. I've said it aloud to someone who understands what it is to leave the crowd, face the scrutiny and judgement and follow the inner voice. He knows what I'm about.
Today, Carlton Pearson spoke of our divinity, the illusion of the material world, the inherent beauty and perfection of our divine self, and how to walk in that higher self. I left there remembering how large I truly am, how large we all are. I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I am at choice with how that experience unfolds. I choose Life. I choose Love. I choose the full expression of who my soul calls me to be. And so it is.
If you are searching for the path before you, or starting over again, I would love to support your journey. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Much love,