A few days ago I interviewed by phone for a once-in-a-lifetime training this spring with a teacher I have revered for years. My heart is so full and open and vulnerable and afraid of this threshold. The phonecall required me to claim, own, and stand in who I truly am. I had to declare myself for this interviewer who knew nothing about me. I had to state my qualifications for being among other healing professionals who are also deepening their work with a master. And speaking it aloud has made all the difference.
I recall a day in June 2007 where the veils lifted and I was given a glimpse of what I am to do here. The power of the spirit within me who had something to say was palpable. My body was shaking with the experience of it. Since then I've known the rough outline, the shape of my work in this world, and at various points I have set myself up for success, created the means necesary to do my work. But then I would back away from the doorway at the last moment. This moment is different.
What have you been called to do? Where is the tug you've felt and what did you do with that feeling? Walking through that doorway, completely, fully owning your work is so incredibly vulnerable and frightening. But we all have these places where, if we're listening and we're open, we hear the call, we see what is possible set out before us. Do we inch towards it, do we rush headlong towards the door, do we go at it by drips and drabs? Ulitmately, do we walk through the door?
In any threshold there is fear, because on the other side of that door is unknown territory.
My teacher once stood up in a session and acting out walking through the door, she said you muster your courage, but you also pull together all the pieces of yourself to go through that portal. All the fear, baggage, wounds..all the pieces of you and your whole being walks through that door.
How you garner the support, care for and collect yourself to step through that threshold is important. The doorway means change is upon us. It may be a metaphor, but the passage into the unknown is very real.
And there are real guardians of these thresholds. Hermes and Aphrodite are two archetypes who mediate between this world and another. Hermes brings us the support of spirit, the energy of the trickster to bring you out of your rational mind. Aphrodite is a guardian of the door between us and Love as a unifying, creative vibrant force.
So I am gathering up the pieces of myself with Hermes on one side and Aphrodite on the other, and stepping through this doorway, inhabiting alll that I have been given to do. Vulnerability and self doubt, self worth issues all arise at such times. They are natural reactions as we step outside our comfort zone.
Brené Brown talks about the shame that is triggered by vulnerability- shame that we've been taught about what we can and cannot do. This too is an opportunity to care for ourselves with utmost love. Do we shut down in the face of self-coubt? Do we bow to the shame and step away from the door?
I've done that many times. But at some point, after replaying that script over and over, it gets old. The next time you approach the door, you know what will come up, and in that knowing, you can strip those reactions of their power. You know that they hvae only the power you give them.
So today here I am walking through the door into new territory, loving the self doubt in me, the parts that feel shame, but not giving them any power. My power is in this moment and my ability to choose my heart's calling.
What is your heart calling you to do?
My work in this world is to offer you loving support and guidance through your threshold.
With humility and deep gratitude, I walk through my own portals, as I offer you my sevices of guidance, soul-coaching and loving support through your own.